Transparency

Last time I posted, I spoke of the cost of adoption. I have mentioned several times my internal struggle while coming to the decision to pursue infant adoption. My goal was to inform friends and family of the reasons why adoption is so costly.

I have had this blog for a while and have a small group of readers who are mostly friends. I don’t expect strangers to come across my posts, but as I’ve been posting and tagging about adopting, strangers have found me. My hope and purpose in tagging my posts was that people would find encouragement or good information. What I’ve seen happen instead is that internet trolls have already came in to pick apart my life, my motives, and my integrity. I’ve had multiple comments (on our fundraising page and on this blog) that have questioned or made cruel assumptions about me and David.

These rude comments hinted at the fact that if it is truly God’s will for us to adopt an infant, surely He will provide that money some other way than us begging for it. They also questioned if adoption is really what we are using the money for. The most recent one told me it was distasteful to begin my last blog talking about how I don’t like spending money, only to post a link so that others could spend theirs on my behalf. 
It’s painful. I won’t lie. These comments, however ludicrous​ I believe them to be, still open wounds that have hardly had time to heal. My insecurities have come to the surface and I question everything again. With these accusations I feel like my character is being questioned.

I’ve been transparent in my feelings. I don’t like asking for money. I thought I made that clear. 

What I guess I didn’t make clear is that David works full time as a minister, making less in one year than it will cost us to adopt. I am working two part time jobs. We just moved to an area where cost of living is quite high, because God called us here. And we are so happy to be here. 

Every cent I make goes straight into savings. We are couponing, reworking our budget, being intentional about every dollar we spend. Could we do a better job? Sure. Of course we could. Sometimes we spend money on frivolous things like a date night or a tower fan for our non air conditioned house. *gasp* 

Every decision we make, we make with adoption and funding our adoption in mind. For instance, we recently considered getting a puppy. We love dogs, and it has been hard for us to not have one right now. We thought it would be nice to train the dog before we had kids in the house. But after careful consideration, we realized it would not be a good financial decision, no matter how much we want a dog. We’d rather have a child. 

Yeah, I hate spending money. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to spend it. For this I’ll give every penny I have. To hold a child in my arms and to have him call me Mommy, I would do absolutely anything.

So to the strangers who read my blog: Welcome. I hope you can find something meaningful or inspirational here. But if you cant- if you only feel the need to comment unnecessary hateful things – just keep your thoughts to yourself. You don’t know me or my struggles. You don’t know the wounds you’ve reopened. Next time consider that you might not be informed of all the facts and really it’s none of your business anyway. 

God bless.

The Cost of Adoption

I discussed in my previous post my hesitancy to pursue infant adoption because of how much it would cost us. I HATE spending money. David can tell you that he is the one who spends all our money, because I simply don’t buy things. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mom who was always very cautious and conscious about spending, but I just have a hard time dishing out money for anything. I’ll be completely transparent and tell you that I’ve been in need of some new underwear for almost a year but keep wearing the old, falling apart ones because I don’t want to spend the money.

So I choke when I think about the amount of money we are about to spend on adoption.

The average domestic infant adoption costs between 30 and 50 THOUSAND dollars. We expect to spend close to $45,000 before ours is all said and done. So where does all that money go?! Am I literally buying a baby????

In response to my own curiosity and the questions from friends and family, I’d like to break down the costs associated with infant adoption so that you’ll have a better idea where all this money is going and so you can make an informed decision on whether you’d like to donate to our fundraising efforts.

So far we have spent very little. Our adoption agency (Faithful Adoption Consultants) is not a “placement agency”. Instead we pay them a small fee and they network with many different placement agencies around the country to find a match for us. For this reason, we will be matched with a birth mother rather quickly (hopefully!). Their average “wait” is 4 months before a match! If you know anything about adoption, you’ll know that is amazing. FAC charges a $3,500 flat fee for a one year contract. They are walking us through every step of the journey and have already been so helpful.

Costs vary widely based on many different variables, which is why it is hard to determine exactly how much we will spend on our infant adoption.

The following numbers have been compiled from different agency costs lists, but my main source was The Spruce.

Home studies can cost anywhere between $700 and $2,500. I’m not sure what our cost will be.

Agency fees vary between placement agencies, but the costs all seem to average out in the end. As far as I can tell, much of the money you pay to the agencies goes toward legal fees and counseling services provided to the birth mother.
Together with legal fees, this can equal out to about $20,000 – 25,000.

In many cases adoptive parents are required to pay for basic living expenses for the birth mother. This amount could be anything from $500 to $12,000.

We will also be required to pay for any medical costs associated with the birth. If the birth mother does not have insurance or qualify for medicaid, or if her insurance does not cover all of the hospital bills, we could be looking at another $10,000+ depending on the difficulty of the birth.

We will be required to travel to the hospital when the baby is born and stay within that state until we are given legal permission to leave. That could take up to three weeks, but often times does not take that long. So travel is an additional expense, and depending on the length of stay may cost us up to $5,000.

There are also small fees and things we must purchase along the way. We are working on our adoption profile book, which will be used to present us to prospective birth mothers. There are costs associated with making and printing copies of that as well.

So it all adds up. And it’s a lot! But a thing that I’ve been pondering is truly how little it is compared to the cost of my own adoption. Easter brought to mind the gruesome way in which Jesus died for my sins so that I could become a child of God. The payment He made so that I could be adopted into God’s family was so much more than $45,000. It was His life. He gave everything willingly. And so I willingly save my pennies and shamelessly beg for you to help!

Keeping in mind that we need proof of funds before we can be matched – and a match can come very quickly- we are asking you to please consider donating to our adoption fund. And please share our story so that others can consider giving too!

You can give online here  or you can mail donations to
David and Amber Siler
18 Sullivan Drive
Granby, CT 06035

Including our t-shirt fundraiser and the jewelry fundraiser that my cousin did for us, we have raised almost $10,000. I am so thankful for those of you who are praying for us and I ask that you continue to pray as we enter into the home study portion of this journey.

What questions or comments do you have? I’d love to hear from you!

The Story So Far – Part 1

I was 16 when I began to consider the effect that the chemo might have on my ability to conceive or carry a baby to term. I had been diagnosed with ovarian failure due to the toxic chemicals used to treat and eventually cure  me of leukemia. There was a chance that my ovaries may recover, but there was a chance that they might not.

Over the next 10 years, I heard different stories from different doctors. Most were unconcerned about the state of my fertility simply because I was unmarried and not looking to start a family.

By the time I met David I had already decided in my heart that I wanted to adopt, even if I could miraculously have biological children. And as early as our second date, David and I discussed children and adoption. He was also unsure about his ability to have children due to the effects of chemo and radiation he had as a child.

As strange as it might sound, this was such a comfort to me. For so long I had feared that my medical history and the lasting effects of cancer treatment on my body would somehow disqualify me from being loved by another person. I feared that my brokenness would be a deal breaker and that my hopes for a house full of adopted little ones would scare men away.

When David came into my life, I felt something different than fear. I felt affirmation. I knew for sure that I was called to become a parent through adoption. I am not the broken one. I am not broken at all. God only has a different plan for me than what I originally thought.

Driving to work this morning, I was thanking God for the sunshine and all the beauty I saw around me. I thought then of the beauty of marriage; how God placed David and I together to be an example to the world, a living picture of how Christ loves the Church and how the Church should reciprocate that love with honorable service to and respect for God. I thanked God for the privilege of being part of that beautiful picture, and I asked Him for wisdom and grace in our portrayal of His perfect love.

Then I began to think of what an honor it is to not only be a living picture of God’s love through marriage, but also to have the opportunity to be a picture of God’s love through adoption. I am in awe that God had chosen David and I for this journey. We will have the unique honor of providing a home and a loving family to a child who might not otherwise have those things. I know that I was, in essence, an orphan before God called me to be part of His family. And now I am a daughter of the King of Kings.

I can think of no better use for my life than to try to live up to the honor God has bestowed on me to be a wife and (future) mother.

“…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” – Ephesians 4:1

And so, we are adopting. I wrote a post a couple of months before David and I got married entitled Adoption. If you haven’t already, I urge you to check it out!

Stay tuned for Part 2 of our story, told by a special “guest blogger”….DAVID!