Transparency

Last time I posted, I spoke of the cost of adoption. I have mentioned several times my internal struggle while coming to the decision to pursue infant adoption. My goal was to inform friends and family of the reasons why adoption is so costly.

I have had this blog for a while and have a small group of readers who are mostly friends. I don’t expect strangers to come across my posts, but as I’ve been posting and tagging about adopting, strangers have found me. My hope and purpose in tagging my posts was that people would find encouragement or good information. What I’ve seen happen instead is that internet trolls have already came in to pick apart my life, my motives, and my integrity. I’ve had multiple comments (on our fundraising page and on this blog) that have questioned or made cruel assumptions about me and David.

These rude comments hinted at the fact that if it is truly God’s will for us to adopt an infant, surely He will provide that money some other way than us begging for it. They also questioned if adoption is really what we are using the money for. The most recent one told me it was distasteful to begin my last blog talking about how I don’t like spending money, only to post a link so that others could spend theirs on my behalf. 
It’s painful. I won’t lie. These comments, however ludicrous​ I believe them to be, still open wounds that have hardly had time to heal. My insecurities have come to the surface and I question everything again. With these accusations I feel like my character is being questioned.

I’ve been transparent in my feelings. I don’t like asking for money. I thought I made that clear. 

What I guess I didn’t make clear is that David works full time as a minister, making less in one year than it will cost us to adopt. I am working two part time jobs. We just moved to an area where cost of living is quite high, because God called us here. And we are so happy to be here. 

Every cent I make goes straight into savings. We are couponing, reworking our budget, being intentional about every dollar we spend. Could we do a better job? Sure. Of course we could. Sometimes we spend money on frivolous things like a date night or a tower fan for our non air conditioned house. *gasp* 

Every decision we make, we make with adoption and funding our adoption in mind. For instance, we recently considered getting a puppy. We love dogs, and it has been hard for us to not have one right now. We thought it would be nice to train the dog before we had kids in the house. But after careful consideration, we realized it would not be a good financial decision, no matter how much we want a dog. We’d rather have a child. 

Yeah, I hate spending money. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to spend it. For this I’ll give every penny I have. To hold a child in my arms and to have him call me Mommy, I would do absolutely anything.

So to the strangers who read my blog: Welcome. I hope you can find something meaningful or inspirational here. But if you cant- if you only feel the need to comment unnecessary hateful things – just keep your thoughts to yourself. You don’t know me or my struggles. You don’t know the wounds you’ve reopened. Next time consider that you might not be informed of all the facts and really it’s none of your business anyway. 

God bless.

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3 thoughts on “Transparency

  1. Ugh. Just remember how loved you both are. You are supported in this and everyone is very proud of you. There will always be detractors in everything; people who think their anonymity means they can say whatever they want. You’re right, though. They don’t know you like the rest of us do. You and David are amazing and you’re doing everything the Lord has asked of you. There is no higher calling. Love you! Be encouraged!

  2. Amber,
    I have found in this world there are people that will try to. PUT others down, even though they don’t know you or even know the person who knows and loves you that posted a positive message of support for you. You are not in anyway begging or asking for money, but instead wondering if people would love one of your fabulous, shirts, or any of your other ideas to help you raise the money for God’s plan to bring a child that know one wanted into your loving home. There are soooooooooo many people that start similar fundraisers for other people and they are some crazy things that they want a go fund me for. Your doing what a God would call you to do. Ignore those that feed on the gossip to hurt others, when there is something in their own life that makes them say those nasty things, it seems to help their own insecurities. I love what you and David are doing and so do everyone else that is supporting your plans to be the wonderful, loving, adoring, and caring parents that one child deserves. You keep on fighting girl you got this. God’s plans never fail, and we only answer to him. Love you and can’t wait for my shirts.

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